Part of sober survival strategy is to immerse myself in “drinking books” – just received a new “love story” in the post. Author Caroline Knapp says:-
“It happened this way: I fell in love – and then because the love was ruining everything I cared about, I had to fall out.”
I think I know where she is coming from and am looking forward to getting stuck into her memoir.
It’s not the quitting that’s difficult – what’s difficult is embracing life without alcohol. When I decided to quit I genuinely thought it was just a matter of breaking a bad habit (white wine) and getting on with my life. The “pink cloud” helped for a while but now I find myself mourning my constant companion – the one thing I could always rely on to lift my mood.
There seems to be little to look forward to – as everything I enjoy involves drinking. Husband took me to a gorgeous restaurant for birthday dinner last week – fabulous food, wonderful view but no champagne – what kind of birthday can it be without bubbles?
One of the early books I read said that going sober is like walking out of prison – and that one can walk back in at any time. Trouble is I have read so much about addiction and recovery that I understand myself far too well these days. I know that moderation is not for me and that just one glass of wine will lead me back to square one. I really get it – drinking can never be a harmless pastime for me. There is no going back – so at 80 days sober I find myself stuck inside a tunnel. I have left that dark drinking place but have not yet found a way of life where it feels natural and easy to be sober.
So stopping the drink is just one part of the equation – somehow I have to reinvent myself in a world where sobriety is often viewed with scorn and suspicion. Part of my survival plan for a different way of life is my new project – World Without Wine. Observant bloggees will have noticed that a website is “under construction” and that something is in the pipeline. It is. Will be going live on 15th September so watch this space.